So, you do look back. You can't help it. It's been two years since mom died. So much has happened, is happening, but in the reckoning moments, there is still, sadness.
I know it's cliche - in the thick of it you don't think you'll survive and you're wishing for it to end... and then it ends and you are completely unprepared. Every crisis that led you to think you were ready. All your bravado and swagger. Gone. You are an orphan.
I've been scanning some old photos today. More in awe than ever at the person my mom was. Her humor sneaks through in the crazy little notes she'd write.
Her searching nature is there in her eyes.
Her life was complicated. I know she suffered in many ways. But she was an incredible mom. She and my dad were able to instill a very powerful sense of self, and possibility in my brothers and me. That is everything.
So, looking back over the year, over the years and years...I am just beginning to understand my inheritance. I am rich beyond words.